Friday, December 28, 2012

Twenty Twelve

This year is one of the toughest years in my life, in terms of finance, parenting, relationships, even work. I lost a beloved aunt, almost been kicked out from our previous apartment, and had a very challenging moments with my son. Who knows being a mom of a 3 years old boy could be so difficult and dramatic? Who knows that 4 years of marriage left you with more bitterness and dull routines? And who knows that 3 years at the same office (the longest record I have so far!) could define the word "bored" into a new level?

Well.. I didn't know all of that stuff. But now I learned my lessons =D

It's not about the situation - challenging kid, flat relationship or bad financial situation. I can't even blame my boss for my so-called unhappiness at work.

It's about my attitude. And how I deal with things.

The biggest problem in 2012 is the way hope was slipped from my grip. The way giving up seemed so easy for me. The way walking out from the hard reality and never faced it bravely became the only solution I knew. The way I compared other people's life with mine, with increasing jealousy and hatred every day. The way I coped with life with so much bitterness.

This year is indeed tough. But I'm sure it's not only for me. And I don't want to be one of the losers who will give up with the hard times. I want to keep my hope, grip it hard and put it in my heart. I want to be back in the game of love - not only with my husband and son, but with everyone who shares their life with mine. I want to face my problems bravely - not walking away or hiding behind somebody else's back.

I want to live my life. Just like I did for many years before.

And I want to welcome 2013 with a different spirit.

How about you?

Monday, December 17, 2012

Four Years

Soooo it's been four years since we said our vows in a church in Bogor, in front of the people whom we love so much. And how's marriage life treated me so far?

To tell you the truth, it's not all rainbows and butterflies like I thought before. We are two different people, with two very different needs, and we really have different approaches in solving our problems. We're not the perfect couple. I am not a romantic, even in our first year of marriage he could tell the obvious fact.

And after being with one person for these past four years, sometimes I miss my single life. My carefree-do whatever I want to do- days. When I could sort all my plans without having to consult anybody. When I didn't have to bear a heavy responsibility as a mother and a wife. When my identity was simply me. Myself.

And then the reality hit me hard. Do I really want to go back to those days? Days without the little boy's laughter and cries? Days without having someone to talk to after a series of unfortunate events? Days without my own little family?

I can't imagine that happens to me.

Yes we don't have a perfect marriage, yes we have so many unsolved problems, yes we have very bad days. But who doesn't? 

We don't live in Twilight world anyway. And even there, they have their own problems.

Happy anniversary!