I envy those people who have strong commitments and dedications in their lifes. Seriously.
Komitmen adalah satu hal yang sejak dulu nggak pernah jadi strong point gue. Gue selalu lemah. Whether it's in the relationship area (especially those involving the long distance thing!), or even in the career field.
Sejak kecil, dibesarkan dalam keluarga bermental insinyur, gue sudah diarahkan untuk mengambil jurusan IPA, lalu melanjutkan pendidikan tinggi di bidang teknik. Tapi apakah gue punya komitmen cukup untuk menjadi seorang insinyur yang baik? (despite my Sarjana Teknik degree, which sometimes could become handy, hehe)Tidak. begitu lulus, gue langsung terbang ke dunia jurnalisme, tanpa ada background apapun di bidang itu, terjun di tengah belantara politik, ke sana-sini mengejar berita. Dan begitu mulai merasa cukup menguasai sedikit tentang cara menulis berita, membuat headline, mengejar narasumber untuk wawancara, serta sedikit membelokkan pernyataan untuk mendapatkan bumbu-bumbu seru, apakah gue siap untuk merintis karir sebagai wartawan andal?
Tentu tidak. Gue nggak punya setengah aja dari dedikasi seorang jurnalis sejati. Jadi gue terbang ke negeri Belanda, mencicipi sedikit pendidikan di negara eks penjajah kita itu. Alih-alih mengambil jurusan media dan jurnalisme (the industrial engineering world was wayyyyy behind me then), gue malah nemplok di jurusan International Communication Management. Alasannya? Biar abis lulus bisa ke mana-mana. Yea. Speaking about commitment, right?
Dan benar saja. Bahkan dosen gue di sekolah itu sedikit bingung dengan pilihan-pilihan hidup gue. Sarjana Teknik, jadi wartawan, terus ambil manajemen komunikasi. Okaayyy...
Begitu lulus dan pulang ke Indonesia, tebak apa yang gue lakukan? Tipikal banget, karena akhirnya gue malah kembali ke dunia media, kali ini majalah hedon pula. Hahaha..Bergaul lah gue dengan para penulis muda berbakat, yang terobsesi ikut lomba penulisan artikel feature ini itu...Dan cukup membuat semangat menulis gue bangkit. Sepertinya inilah jalan hidup gue, begitu pikir gue saat itu.
Tapi...kondisi kantor yang nggak kondusif, akhirnya membuat gue memutuskan untuk pergi dari sana. Dedikasi gue belum sekuat itu ternyata...Dan mulailah gue terdampar di dunia freelancing, mengambil setiap kerjaan yang ditawarkan, dari mulai membuat advertorial sampai menjadi local assistant buat sebuah NGO.
Dan sampai akhirnya, NGO itu menawarkan gue untuk sebuah posisi full time. Menarik, begitu pikir gue. Karena melibatkan banyak traveling, bertemu orang-orang, dan belajar hal-hal baru. Dan mulailah gue bergaul dengan teman-teman gue dari berbagai belahan dunia, yang menurut gue memiliki sebuah kesamaan: dedikasi. Satu hal yang, lagi-lagi, masih belum bisa gue banggakan sebagai kekuatan gue. Menjadi seorang aktivis organisasi non profit adalah sebuah peran yang menarik, tapi menakutkan menurut gue. I can handle the traveling, the "helping people" part, or meeting the community from around the world. But to sacrifice my whole life for making world a better place? Ups. I don't think so. I like the idea of it. But to do it myself...I have to think a million times.
Jadi...inilah gue. Masih dalam kondisi non-commital dan undedicated. I envy my mum, who in her sixties is still dedicated to her job (and pursuing her Profesor title), or my dad, who lives his life to become one of the best civil engineers in our hometown, or my journalist friends, struggling for the news day after day, or my writer friends, trying to make something meaningful for everyone to read, or my friends in Fairtrade, who dedicated their lifes to contribute a bit in this world's mess.
And I keep thinking to myself...Why on earth don't I have half of their dedication and commitment to do something? Why is the boredom visiting me in such a short interval?
I have this conversation with one of my best friend, and all he said to me was,"Success is not defined by how long have you done something and be good at it, it's more about how you've done something that you love, even if there are more than one thing in that category. Because you'll never regret what you have done, you will only regret what you haven't done."
Well, that's kind of relieving. But the most important thing is, I think, cherish your life. No matter what other people do or say.
Friday, January 09, 2009
In my family Christmas celebration almost a month ago, the preacher was asking us to count the blessings we had in the past 12 months of 2008. He asked us to close our eyes, counting one by one every single thing that was really mattered for us in that particular year. And I was astonished. Yes, it's true that I began 2008 with some complainings, from being hospitalized because of the dengue fever, to the resignation from my old job (love the job, hate the office!).
And I also tried to find my way through the year, working as a freelancer, trying this job and doing that job, sometimes feeling so insecure about my unclear employment status and my unstable bank account. But!!! To mention about all the blessings I had during that year, I felt guilty only to think that I've been complaining so much!
I have a wonderful family, who sticked with me through thick and thin, an amazing guy who's now also becoming my partner for life, and later, a great job with new people and challenges to know. Sometimes, we are too busy looking at the dark side, without realizing how lucky actually we are.
I ended 2008 with so many beautiful memories. I have a new family (and having my best friend as my sister in law!), a great wedding ceremony (and a nice party afterwards!), a new home (me and my guy were finally moving to an appartment in western Jakarta), a memorable honeymoon (I totally recommend Le Jardin, a very beautiful vila in Seminyak for those who plan to have a honeymoon), and a blasting new year with the whole Limtob family in Singapore. Woohoo!
For me every year is a year of change, but 2008 brought so many changes to my life. Not just giving a checkmark in "Married" box instead the "Single" one, but living the brand new life altogether. Sometimes I still got this weird feeling, when I woke up in the morning to see my guy lying right next to me (without those horrible feeling of, "Shit! What have I done last night???What's my mom going to say??), or how I really care about what's the cheapest brand of detergent. It's totally so un-me! (But true, that I still struggle to wake up early every morning to make tea for him, and go straight to bed after he's gone to work; or that sometimes I just spend all day watching Gossip Girl and forget to wash the piling dishes).
Sometimes, a year brings so many changes in our life, but I do believe that the most important change still comes from our inner self. So..happy 2009 to all of you, be it a healthy, wealthy, and memorable year =)