Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Grass Always Looks Greener...

Every person in this planet experienced his low times. Different reasons, maybe, but the same feelings: gloomy, hopeless, sad. It feels like we have the worst life ever in the whole wide world.

Some people struggled with their finance, some had health problems, and many tried to find a purpose of their lives. And the ungrateful feeling, the evil sentence of "if only my life is not like this...", and the neverending envy of other people's lives!

I had this kind of situation lately, where I feel really bad about my life. I was kinda lost, seemed to forget what the hell am I doing here, with my life, right now? How come I ended up doing job that I don't really care about, with people I don't really like? What am I doing here, where has my so-called idealist self gone?

And I started to feel bad because I wish my old life back. I wish I can still have the dream job with many traveling plans and do stuff that I care about. I wish I don't have to think about the money, to count every penny before decided to buy a book in a book store. I wish I don't have to feel guilty every time I want to have a night out and leave my baby at home.

I talked to an old friend who has a wonderful plan for his future, and felt jealous. I saw a facebook page of one of my best friends and I was green with envy. It could be my life! An interesting-less stressful-and not-boring life. Not plain like mine now.

And so it goes, the unbearable days of whining-cursing-struggling.

Until last weekend, when I visited a Foundation for Disabled Children and Adults with my big family, just like we do every year before the Christmas. The foundation called Panti Rawinala, a place for children and adults who have disability with their vision, either they are blind or have low vision. Besides that, all the children and adults there have other disabilities, some are mentally ill and others have physical problems.

Seeing them living their lives there, with happy faces and hope that is so high to the sky, I felt like being slapped in my face. Especially when one of the children sang (with his very beautiful voice) a song called Ku Tak Akan Menyerah, a christian song that has very beautiful lyric.

"I will never give up, before I try everything I can. But I trust God and I believe that He has a plan for me"

Ok, I don't want to sound like a religious-hypocrite, but seriously, I was very touched. How come I was so ungrateful with my life? With a loving family, a great son, a decent job and a future to be reached out? Yes, my life is not perfect. But it is up to me to make it as perfect as I want to.

The grass will always look greener on the other side of the fence, but like I once said before, you never know how much pesticide is used on them!

And today, when the big three O is coming to my life, I want to get ready to be grateful for every chance I have, for every single problem that makes me stronger, for every love, every crash, every struggle and every little happiness in my life. Thank God for the thirty years You have given to me.

Bring it on! =)


  1. astriddd, huhuhu... gw juga lg ngalamin hal yg sama :(
    tp tetep smangatt yahhh...

  2. Iya crey, lagi down banget rasanya, mungkin penyesuaian kali ya hidup berkeluarga (plus punya baby) dan kerjaan di kantor yang super stressful. kadang jadi lupa bermimpi dan bersyukur hihi. chayo ya crey!

  3. Astrid.. I feel you...
    beberapa bulan kemaren, mood gue bener2 senggol bacok. i thought i was actually depressed or had a burn-out.
    i forced my self to count my blessings.. tapi teteup i was back into that black hole.
    akhirnya gue ke dr, dan dikasih suplemen (vit + zat besi)! hehe..
    dan beneran sih, berasa mendingan.
    with the help of some drugs (ya ampun kesannya junkie bgt) i can see the light again. halah!
    ups panjang!

  4. Ahhh iya fan, mungkin emang butuh obat nih gw, sakaw hahaha...iya lagi feeling so low..mudah"an taun baru nti semangat baru juga deh =)