Dilema

Pemilu legislatif kemaren adalah sebuah dilema buat gue. Udah sekitar 5 tahun terakhir ini gue selalu Golput setiap kali ada pemilu, mulai dari pemilu legislatif, pilpres, sampai pilkada-pilkada yang membingungkan itu.

Menurut gue, golput adalah pilihan yang simpel. Seperti kalau kita memutuskan untuk menjalankan hubungan tanpa status dengan seseorang, atau melakukan pekerjaan freelance. Tidak ada ikatan, tidak ada kekecewaan, dan apapun hasilnya, kita tidak merasa terlalu bertanggung jawab.

Tapi tahun ini, sesuatu mengusik hati gue. Tell me that I want to get involve more as a good citizen of this country, or that I simply just care. Tapi yang jelas, akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk memilih. Atau mencontreng, istilahnya sekarang.

Jadi, tanggal 9 April, gue pulang ke Bandung, karena nama gue masih terdaftar di sana, menghadapi gulungan kertas berisi nama-nama orang yang bahkan gue nggak tahu siapa,dan sempat membuat gue merasa menyesal dengan keputusan gue untuk nggak golput. Who are these people? What makes them think they could represent us and become our voice in the parliament? Dan percaya atau tidak, akhirnya gue malah dibisik-bisikin oleh nyokap gue, yang berada di bilik sebelah yang emang dirancang gampang buat contek-contekan.

Dan semuanya mulai terasa seperti dagelan konyol. Mencontreng orang yang bahkan gue nggak tahu siapa, mencelupkan jari gue kebanyakan ke dalam tinta (kuku gue masih berbercak ungu setelah 2 minggu!!), dan merasa sepertinya golput adalah pilihan yang lebih tepat.

Ternyata, kekecewaan terus berlanjut. Semakin mirip dagelan, membaca berita-berita setelah pemilu usai. Pemilih yang kehilangan hak suara di mana-mana, hasil rekap yang nggak selesai-selesai, artis-artis yang meraja di daerah-daerah, dan puncaknya, Roy Suryo sebagai anggota DPR!!! Gosh...

Menilik kekisruhan pencalonan capres-cawapres yang diwarnai terlalu banyak politik dagang sapi, rasanya kembali ke golput menjadi pilihan tepat di pilpres mendatang. Sigh.

Unpredictable

My life is sooo unpredictable, I didn't even try to really plan everything. I don't have a nice long term plan, a great answer when an interviewer ask me the question, "Where do you think you'll be in the next five years?" I usually just answered the question with any imaginative thing that happened to be in my mind that time.

I never plan where my career will take me, and I never plan how long will I stay in a particular job. I decided to jump into journalism world right after I graduated from college without any serious thinking. What I know was, I like writing, and journalism seemed like a good option. So I took the opportunity.

And when I decided it's time to move on and continue my study, I didn't really make a long list of my dream schools around the world, I just came to a studying abroad exhibition, falling in love with a particular program in the Netherland, and next time I know, I already did the tests and interviews, and ready to go.

So that's how I live my life. Just do whatever my guts told me, and try to enjoy it. Not without any regrets, of course. Sometimes when I think back of the older times, I wondered whether I will take a different path if I was given the chance.

When I got married, lots of my friends asked me the why question. Why do I want to get married, and why with this guy? And to tell you the truth, I don't have the right answer. For me, it's just about the time. I felt really comfortable to do it, and I ready to face all the consequences.

So when everybody keep asking me when will I have kid, I don't have many choices but to answer, I don't have any idea. I guess it's good to just wait a little bit, especially when my doctor told me that it might not gonna be easy, concerning my health history. So I think this time I will try to make a good plan, at least until everything and everybody (including me) is ready for that.

And just like that, one day, it happened. The two red lines in the test pack showed that I really couldn't plan anything. It's happening, we're having a baby!!!

But despite the fear and anxiety... I felt wonderful. This is really happening. The unpredictable, again, appearing in my life like a drop of rain in the middle of summer. It's very surprising, but it's a blessing.

Oscar

Paling seneng kalo jatoh bulan Februari, karena itu berarti saatnya film-film Oscar bertebaran. Belum lagi perhelatan Oscar-nya sendiri, yang biasanya selalu heboh dan suka memunculkan gosip-gosip seru seputar selebriti, termasuk fashion-nya.

Dan tahun ini, dengan konsep yang sedikit beda, ternyata Piala Oscar jadi lebih berkesan. Hugh Jackman yang baru pertama kali menjadi host acara ini, bisa membawa suasana segar dengan joke-joke yang nggak basi dan gaya Aussie-nya yang lucu (dan yang jelas, jauh lebih keren daripada aktingnya di film Australia).

Acaranya sendiri jauh lebih kekeluargaan dibanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Recognition oleh para aktor-aktris senior untuk setiap nominator aktor-aktris utama dan pendukung terbaik, ternyata membuat suasana lebih berkesan. Dan yang paling penting, nggak seperti tahun-tahun yang lalu, penerima penghargaan tahun ini semuanya dianggap layak oleh sebagian besar pihak, dan tidak menuai kontroversi dari kelompok yang tidak puas (termasuk Piala Oscar untuk almarhum Heath Ledger yang dianggap sangat-sangat tepat).

Meskipun gue sempet agak kaget dengan euphoria Slumdog Millionaire yang menyabet paling banyak piala tahun ini. Agak mengejutkan karena novel asli Slumdog tidak terlalu diapresiasi oleh para kritikus, dan jalan ceritanya dianggap terlalu mengada-ada. Tapi ternyata faktor humanis nya lah yang membuat para juri Oscar terkesan. Hollywood memang aneh.

Anyway, sekian dulu lah, masih banyak film Oscar yang mengantri untuk ditonton nih...=)

Commitment

I envy those people who have strong commitments and dedications in their lifes. Seriously.

Komitmen adalah satu hal yang sejak dulu nggak pernah jadi strong point gue. Gue selalu lemah. Whether it's in the relationship area (especially those involving the long distance thing!), or even in the career field.

Sejak kecil, dibesarkan dalam keluarga bermental insinyur, gue sudah diarahkan untuk mengambil jurusan IPA, lalu melanjutkan pendidikan tinggi di bidang teknik. Tapi apakah gue punya komitmen cukup untuk menjadi seorang insinyur yang baik? (despite my Sarjana Teknik degree, which sometimes could become handy, hehe)Tidak. begitu lulus, gue langsung terbang ke dunia jurnalisme, tanpa ada background apapun di bidang itu, terjun di tengah belantara politik, ke sana-sini mengejar berita. Dan begitu mulai merasa cukup menguasai sedikit tentang cara menulis berita, membuat headline, mengejar narasumber untuk wawancara, serta sedikit membelokkan pernyataan untuk mendapatkan bumbu-bumbu seru, apakah gue siap untuk merintis karir sebagai wartawan andal?

Tentu tidak. Gue nggak punya setengah aja dari dedikasi seorang jurnalis sejati. Jadi gue terbang ke negeri Belanda, mencicipi sedikit pendidikan di negara eks penjajah kita itu. Alih-alih mengambil jurusan media dan jurnalisme (the industrial engineering world was wayyyyy behind me then), gue malah nemplok di jurusan International Communication Management. Alasannya? Biar abis lulus bisa ke mana-mana. Yea. Speaking about commitment, right?

Dan benar saja. Bahkan dosen gue di sekolah itu sedikit bingung dengan pilihan-pilihan hidup gue. Sarjana Teknik, jadi wartawan, terus ambil manajemen komunikasi. Okaayyy...

Begitu lulus dan pulang ke Indonesia, tebak apa yang gue lakukan? Tipikal banget, karena akhirnya gue malah kembali ke dunia media, kali ini majalah hedon pula. Hahaha..Bergaul lah gue dengan para penulis muda berbakat, yang terobsesi ikut lomba penulisan artikel feature ini itu...Dan cukup membuat semangat menulis gue bangkit. Sepertinya inilah jalan hidup gue, begitu pikir gue saat itu.

Tapi...kondisi kantor yang nggak kondusif, akhirnya membuat gue memutuskan untuk pergi dari sana. Dedikasi gue belum sekuat itu ternyata...Dan mulailah gue terdampar di dunia freelancing, mengambil setiap kerjaan yang ditawarkan, dari mulai membuat advertorial sampai menjadi local assistant buat sebuah NGO.

Dan sampai akhirnya, NGO itu menawarkan gue untuk sebuah posisi full time. Menarik, begitu pikir gue. Karena melibatkan banyak traveling, bertemu orang-orang, dan belajar hal-hal baru. Dan mulailah gue bergaul dengan teman-teman gue dari berbagai belahan dunia, yang menurut gue memiliki sebuah kesamaan: dedikasi. Satu hal yang, lagi-lagi, masih belum bisa gue banggakan sebagai kekuatan gue. Menjadi seorang aktivis organisasi non profit adalah sebuah peran yang menarik, tapi menakutkan menurut gue. I can handle the traveling, the "helping people" part, or meeting the community from around the world. But to sacrifice my whole life for making world a better place? Ups. I don't think so. I like the idea of it. But to do it myself...I have to think a million times.

Jadi...inilah gue. Masih dalam kondisi non-commital dan undedicated. I envy my mum, who in her sixties is still dedicated to her job (and pursuing her Profesor title), or my dad, who lives his life to become one of the best civil engineers in our hometown, or my journalist friends, struggling for the news day after day, or my writer friends, trying to make something meaningful for everyone to read, or my friends in Fairtrade, who dedicated their lifes to contribute a bit in this world's mess.

And I keep thinking to myself...Why on earth don't I have half of their dedication and commitment to do something? Why is the boredom visiting me in such a short interval?

I have this conversation with one of my best friend, and all he said to me was,"Success is not defined by how long have you done something and be good at it, it's more about how you've done something that you love, even if there are more than one thing in that category. Because you'll never regret what you have done, you will only regret what you haven't done."

Well, that's kind of relieving. But the most important thing is, I think, cherish your life. No matter what other people do or say.

Year of Change

In my family Christmas celebration almost a month ago, the preacher was asking us to count the blessings we had in the past 12 months of 2008. He asked us to close our eyes, counting one by one every single thing that was really mattered for us in that particular year. And I was astonished. Yes, it's true that I began 2008 with some complainings, from being hospitalized because of the dengue fever, to the resignation from my old job (love the job, hate the office!).

And I also tried to find my way through the year, working as a freelancer, trying this job and doing that job, sometimes feeling so insecure about my unclear employment status and my unstable bank account. But!!! To mention about all the blessings I had during that year, I felt guilty only to think that I've been complaining so much!

I have a wonderful family, who sticked with me through thick and thin, an amazing guy who's now also becoming my partner for life, and later, a great job with new people and challenges to know. Sometimes, we are too busy looking at the dark side, without realizing how lucky actually we are.

I ended 2008 with so many beautiful memories. I have a new family (and having my best friend as my sister in law!), a great wedding ceremony (and a nice party afterwards!), a new home (me and my guy were finally moving to an appartment in western Jakarta), a memorable honeymoon (I totally recommend Le Jardin, a very beautiful vila in Seminyak for those who plan to have a honeymoon), and a blasting new year with the whole Limtob family in Singapore. Woohoo!

For me every year is a year of change, but 2008 brought so many changes to my life. Not just giving a checkmark in "Married" box instead the "Single" one, but living the brand new life altogether. Sometimes I still got this weird feeling, when I woke up in the morning to see my guy lying right next to me (without those horrible feeling of, "Shit! What have I done last night???What's my mom going to say??), or how I really care about what's the cheapest brand of detergent. It's totally so un-me! (But true, that I still struggle to wake up early every morning to make tea for him, and go straight to bed after he's gone to work; or that sometimes I just spend all day watching Gossip Girl and forget to wash the piling dishes).

Sometimes, a year brings so many changes in our life, but I do believe that the most important change still comes from our inner self. So..happy 2009 to all of you, be it a healthy, wealthy, and memorable year =)

Birthday Bash

So I turned 28 last week...And how do I feel? Totally remarkable.
This has been a wonderful year for me..I've got a new job (yeah, have I told that I finally landed my Bonn-interview?), an amazing family and friends to spend time with,and a soon-to-be husband, so what else could a girl ask for?

Well, this year's birthday was quite exceptional though. While I was very eager to spend my last single birthday surrounded by my family and friends, it happened that I had to go for a workshop in Srilanka. Yep, I was a bit feeling down, imagine celebrating the birthday in a country that I never thought that I would set my foot into. But, what could I say? As a new kid in the team, I didn't have any choice but to attend the workshop.

What I never imagined is,it turned out that the birthday itself was very great! Although at first, I was very cranky because my cellphone couldn't work in Srilanka. But that sulky mood suddenly changed at the end of dinner, when the lights were turned off, and a cake was presented in front of me, along with Happy Birthday song in various languages. I was very surprised, because I've never thought that these very newcomers in my life could actually be really caring and attentive. (thanks you guys, my new friends from Thai, Vietnam, India, France...)

So, as I have experienced in the Netherlands a few years before, there will always be a new family, bunch of great people you'll find along the way...And adding that to the existing adorable friends and family I've already got so far...Hmm..I couldn't ask for a better gift.

This One's For You..

Yep, udah dari jaman smp gue ngefans banget sama Leonardo DiCaprio, sejak tampangnya yang masih imut banget itu muncul di serial TV Growing Pains..

Tapi siapa sangka dari aktor yang tampangnya qualified buat jadi anggota boyband, Leo berkembang pesat jadi aktor watak yang makin lama aktingnya makin mateng? Gue udah ngikutin perjalanannya semenjak dia beradu akting sama Robert De Niro di This Boy's Life, trus jadi anak dengan mental terbelakang di What's Eating Gilbert Grape? (dan langsung menyabet nominasi Oscarnya).

Bahkan film-filmnya yang sedikit indie juga ikut gue tonton, seperti Total Eclipse, di mana dia berperan jadi cowok gay yang pacaran sama pelukis tua,atau Basketball Diaries, yang menceritakan tentang kehidupan seorang junkie.

Yang paling komersil tentu aja perannya di Romeo & Juliet versi Baz Luhrmann, dan adu aktingnya sama Kate Winslet di Titanic...Tapi seiring film-film itu, akhirnya Leo semakin selektif memilih peran-perannya, yang menghasilkan dua lagi nominasi di ajang Academy Awards, yaitu dari film The Aviator dan Blood Diamond.

Dan kemarin, mengobati kekangenan gue, akhirnya Leo muncul lagi di Body of Lies, arahan sutradara Ridley Scott.Dan ternyata, Leo emang nggak pernah bikin kecewa, karena aktingnya sebagai agen CIA yang terjebak di tengah situasi Timur Tengah, plus tekanan dari bosnya yang manipulatif plus kepala intelijen Yordania yang suspicious, bener-bener masih pol.

And all the sinister critics about my huge crush for him, since, hmm..10 years ago? - just don't really matter anymore =)

Bahasa Indonesia

Baru beberapa hari lalu peringatan Sumpah Pemuda, dan ketika seorang teman bertanya, apa sih isi Sumpah Pemuda itu, gue benar-benar merasa blank. Rasanya semenjak lulus dari SMA, nggak pernah sekalipun gue tertarik untuk menyimak upacara maupun acara-acara peringatan Sumpah Pemuda, baik yang disiarkan di TV ataupun yang langsung di depan mata.

Akhirnya, setelah kasak kusuk dan berdebat, kita sepakat bahwa salah satu poin Sumpah Pemuda adalah : bangga berbahasa satu, Bahasa Indonesia. Dan topik itu jadi memicu kesadaran gue tentang bahasa yang sudah hampir 28 tahun gue gunakan setiap harinya. Kadang gue amaze sama bahasa ini, dengan segala perkembangannya dari masa ke masa. Karena besar di akhir era 80an dan awal 90an, gue masih ingat jelas trend-trend yang ada saat itu, seperti slank-slank yang mengubah beberapa kata (masih ingat kata pembokat yang berarti pembantu, sepokat yang berarti sepatu, atau boil yang artinya mobil?). Norak kalau dipikir-pikir, tapi toh saat itu mereka begitu berjaya. Lalu di awal 90-an, inget nggak dengan kalimat-kalimat seperti ini : Dia keren sekaleeeee....
Dan bahkan kadang si kata "sekaleeee" tadi bisa berubah menjadi "cekaleee..." Hehehe...

Tahun 2000-an menghasilkan lebih banyak lagi istilah baru, seperti Bete (yang sampai sekarang masih diperdebatkan asal-usulnya), kesian deh looo (lengkap dengan gerakan jari yang membentuk gelombang dari atas ke bawah), capek dehhh (kali ini dengan gerakan tangan mengusap jidat), dan yang paling baru: ya iyalah, masa ya iya donk... (diikuti embel-embel garing seperti: namanya juga cafe oh lala, bukan oh donk donk...). Gosh. Entah siapa yang menciptakan istilah-istilah itu, tapi yang jelas, sekali menjadi trend, istilah itu bakal ngelotok dengan suksesnya.

Mengingat pembicaraan dengan beberapa teman lainnya, gue juga jadi sadar, meski sudah berpuluh-puluh tahun bergelut dengan bahasa Indonesia, masih sering banget gue melakukan kesalahan-kesalahan tolol yang akhirnya dibenarkan karena sudah menjadi kebiasaan. Berikut beberapa yang mungkin juga sering dialami oleh orang-orang lain:
- Pulangnya mampir ke BCA dulu ya, mau AMBIL ATM. (hmm..kalo tiap orang ambil ATM, lama-lama mesinnya abis, ya ngga sihhhh)
- Itu, di pinggir jalan tadi banyak yang JUALAN WARTEG kok... (warteg di-franchise-in ??? hehehe)
- Tadi udah minta tolong Mama supaya BIKININ AIR... (hebat amat si mama, meskipun yang dimaksud di sini adalah masakin air panas...)
- BIKININ TEMPAT TIDUR nya ya, tadi masih berantakan..(Bukan, ini bukan ngomong ke tukang kayu, tapi simply minta tolong orang buat ngerapiin tempat tidur)

Dan mungkin, masih banyak lagi contoh-contoh konyol hasil "latihan" bertahun-tahun dengan bahasa Indonesia. Tapi apa pun yang terjadi, inilah bahasa Ibu kita...yang semoga saja, masih akan menjadi bahasa anak-anak kita juga nantinya... (mengingat anak sekarang lebih jago berbahasa Inggris atau Mandarin, rasanya wajar aja kalo kita berharap-harap cemas)....

Treasures

What makes me love Bandung so much is the ability of this city to give me endless surprises. This city has many hidden treasures, ready to be discovered in any time.

You'll be surprised that at the back of St Aloysius school building, in a crowded-small place with only a tent covered it from rain or shine, there's a very delicious Batakuah (means: Baso Tahu Kuah). Very original taste, in a very cheap price.

And in Jalan Bungsu, in a small alley across Atoy Salon, you could try a great mie ceker. Yummy.

Or, how bout this store at the second floor of a small building in Dipatiukur, where you could find choices of old records, including the first album of NKOTB and Pink Floyd?

Or, for me, who love books more than anything...There is this little attic shop in front of Unpar, called Omunium, that sells lots and lots of second hand books, books that are very hard to be found in other stores, with a magnificently reasonable price. I've just found this Newbery Winner book, that is quite rare around here, in only Rp 24.000,00. I always love to smell the pages of a second hand book, while imagined where that book came from, who had flipped its pages before me...

Those little treasures are the reason why I love this city so much. And to think that I would have to leave again soon (this time, for good)...Uhmmm...it's heartbreaking.

A Short Trip to Bonn

When my boss in the NGO where I've worked part time in this last couple of years told me, that they were opening a full time position in Indonesia as a Liaison Officer, I didn't think too serious about it. The details of my big day (which, answering some people's question, will be held in December) was quite giving me a constant headache. That's why, I thought a full time job was the last thing I need (although, come to think about it, the money part does make it sound a bit more interesting, hehe)...

But, since I've been working for quite some time with them, I thought this job would perfectly fit me. There will be no office (only working from home, huray!), lots of traveling to eastern part of Indonesia (which has too many places that I haven't explored before), and having a boss in a thousands miles distance...Quite tempting, hmm?

So I decided to just go for it, sending my resume, and suddenly, they asked me to come to the headquarter (which is located in Bonn, Germany) to have a final interview with some of the managers. So the next think I know, I have packed my small suitcase (without really knowing what were exactly I put inside it), and said goodbye to my family and my guy.

I was more nervous about the interview, so the fact that I will go to Europe for only 5 days (including the journey) didn't really fascinate me. Actually I didn't really care where the interview took place, as long as I wouldn't do anything stupid in front of my future employers.

So, I sat in Lufthansa for more than 12 hours, cursing the European plane with their lack of entertainment (but what could I say? my ticket is paid by the organisation, so I didn't have much choices, did I?), and spending most of my journey by sleeping. And finally, still in jet lag and didn't have any clue how to get to Bonn from Frankfurt Airport (I was given the direction to my hotel, of course, but my sense of direction itself was very dangerous to be relied on), so imagined how happy I was when accidentally met Indonesian students who just got back from their holiday in Indonesia, and on their way to Bonn!!(Gabriel and Sisco, I owe you guys one!).

So, I arrived in my hotel safely. A nice hotel, actually. But the very next question was: What should I do now? The interview was scheduled for the next day,so I had to spend one day in the city, alone. The thought of it suddenly hit me. I was alone in this freaking city, without knowing what to do. I didn't prepare my mood to become a tourist, so it took me quite some time to switched my mode into "exploring the city" mode.

But turned out, Bonn is quite beautiful. This city is actually the birthplace of Beethoven, so I decided to start my journey from the Beethoven Haus.
The nice thing about the city was its public transportation. The system was exactly like the one in Netherlands, so it's not really complicated for me. I took the tram to the Main Station, and from there walking to the museum. Beethoven Haus was a nice place, with lots of stories, archives, and bits and pieces about Beethoven.

Then I went to the market, (or centrum, like we called in the Netherlands), browsing some shops and taking pictures of beautiful buildings, having lunch in one of the squares, and going back to the hotel. It's easy to get homesick when you're traveling alone, but somehow Bonn reminded me a lot with Den Haag, from the old buildings, the pigeons in the squares, people with bicycles, even the way they say thank you.

On the second day, I had my interview, but to tell you the truth, all the images from that interview was just a blur, mostly because I was too nervous to remember anything, haha...Well, my presentation was not that bad, but those questions they asked!!! Huhuhu....

Anyway, on my last day, I decided to walk around the city for the last time. I stopped for a short time in Museum of The History of Federal Republic of Germany , buying some German sausages (yep, the pork ones! hahaha)for my mom in one of the supermarkets, and sat on the side of Rhein River, which divided the city into two beautiful parts.

And, despite my desire to really get the job, I felt very grateful to have this short yet wonderful trip experience. It's a great feeling when you think, hey, I'm a citizen of this beautiful place called Earth, and there are so many great places ready to welcome me...=)

PS: Several things about the Bonn-ers:

Like most of European people, they like to chase the sun...even when the sun doesn't feel like showing in the city. Don't worry...there'll always be the Sunpoint...where you can get the tan even though the sun feels like hiding forever =)




Don't feel bad about your English when you're in Germany. They also struggle with the language. And believe it or not, Wall Street Institute is definitely a good choice to start! (Well, now you don't have to be ashamed when walking to your class in Wall Street Institute in Ratu Plaza or Kelapa Gading Mall).