The Grass Always Looks Greener...

Every person in this planet experienced his low times. Different reasons, maybe, but the same feelings: gloomy, hopeless, sad. It feels like we have the worst life ever in the whole wide world.

Some people struggled with their finance, some had health problems, and many tried to find a purpose of their lives. And the ungrateful feeling, the evil sentence of "if only my life is not like this...", and the neverending envy of other people's lives!

I had this kind of situation lately, where I feel really bad about my life. I was kinda lost, seemed to forget what the hell am I doing here, with my life, right now? How come I ended up doing job that I don't really care about, with people I don't really like? What am I doing here, where has my so-called idealist self gone?

And I started to feel bad because I wish my old life back. I wish I can still have the dream job with many traveling plans and do stuff that I care about. I wish I don't have to think about the money, to count every penny before decided to buy a book in a book store. I wish I don't have to feel guilty every time I want to have a night out and leave my baby at home.

I talked to an old friend who has a wonderful plan for his future, and felt jealous. I saw a facebook page of one of my best friends and I was green with envy. It could be my life! An interesting-less stressful-and not-boring life. Not plain like mine now.

And so it goes, the unbearable days of whining-cursing-struggling.

Until last weekend, when I visited a Foundation for Disabled Children and Adults with my big family, just like we do every year before the Christmas. The foundation called Panti Rawinala, a place for children and adults who have disability with their vision, either they are blind or have low vision. Besides that, all the children and adults there have other disabilities, some are mentally ill and others have physical problems.

Seeing them living their lives there, with happy faces and hope that is so high to the sky, I felt like being slapped in my face. Especially when one of the children sang (with his very beautiful voice) a song called Ku Tak Akan Menyerah, a christian song that has very beautiful lyric.

"I will never give up, before I try everything I can. But I trust God and I believe that He has a plan for me"

Ok, I don't want to sound like a religious-hypocrite, but seriously, I was very touched. How come I was so ungrateful with my life? With a loving family, a great son, a decent job and a future to be reached out? Yes, my life is not perfect. But it is up to me to make it as perfect as I want to.

The grass will always look greener on the other side of the fence, but like I once said before, you never know how much pesticide is used on them!

And today, when the big three O is coming to my life, I want to get ready to be grateful for every chance I have, for every single problem that makes me stronger, for every love, every crash, every struggle and every little happiness in my life. Thank God for the thirty years You have given to me.

Bring it on! =)

Home Sweet Home

Selama nyaris dua tahun sudah gue tinggal di apartemen mungil di kawasan Jakarta Barat. Jujur, gue suka banget tinggal di apartemen. Gue seneng suasananya yang selalu rame (meskipun, suka bikin jantungan kalau ada berita-berita mengerikan seperti "ada yang loncat dari tingkat 20!", atau "ada pembunuhan model di tower sebelah!", atau "kemarin tetangga bawah ikut digerebek polisi karena nyimpen narkoba!"), dan yang paling kerasa adalah praktisnya kalau mau ngapa-ngapain. Mau belanja? Tinggal turun ke Hero. Males masak? Tinggal angkat telepon, pesen delivery deh.
Tapi sejak ada anak, tinggal di apartemen emang jadi tantangan juga. Space jadi mengecil, terlalu banyak barang di mana-mana. Belum lagi, Yofel sekarang lagi seneng-senengnya merangkak dan belajar berdiri, serem banget tiap ngeliat dia nyaris kepentok meja atau keserimpet kabel.Hiii...

Lalu, lalu...Biaya tinggal di apartemenpun sebenernya lebih mahal daripada tinggal di perumahan. Kenapa? Karena untuk bayar listrik dan air, hitungannya melalui pihak ketiga (yaitu pengelola apartemen), jadi jatohnya emang mahal banget. Satu bulan listrik dan air gue bisa sama dengan bayaran listrik dan air rumah nyokap di Bandung (yang jelas-jelas ukurannya lebih besar). Ditambah lagi dengan service maintenance yang mayan mahal juga per bulannya.

Jadi, memang ada plus minusnya, dan sebenernya bingung juga kalau mau pilih tinggal di rumah atau apartemen. Bulan depan, kontrak kita dengan apartemen ini habis. Rencananya memang mau diperpanjang, tapi karena si owner menaikkan harga sewa, jadi mikir-mikir juga. Apa sebaiknya pindah aja? Tetep ke apartemen, atau mulai cari rumah?

Sebenernya sih belum rela juga meninggalkan apartemen yang sekarang. Biarpun mungil, tapi udah jadi saksi berbagai kejadian, termasuk panik gempa waktu hamil 7 bulan, diketok-ketok tetangga pas jamannya Yofel kolik dan nangis tiada henti, juga pendengar yang baik saat kita berangan-angan tentang mimpi dan rencana masa depan.

Hmm...Jadi gimana nih...pindah? atau tetep disini?

On Blogging

Karena membaca komentar seorang ibu di salah satu forum yang bilang kalau blog gue terlalu polos, gue jadi ketawa-ketawa sendiri sambil membuka-buka blog lain (terutama blog para ibu-ibu).

Dan bener banget, blog gue mungkin adalah salah satu yang paling plain, cupu dan ngebosenin secara visual. Hahaha...Nggak ada template yang seru, header warna warni atau aplikasi yang lucu-lucu.

Entah kenapa gue emang males banget ngutak-ngatik HTML dari dulu. Tujuan awal gue bikin blog (sejak 2003 dulu) adalah karna gue suka nulis. Terlepas dari ada atau enggaknya orang yang suka baca blog ini, gue ngerasa seneng aja bisa mendokumentasikan pikiran gue sejak dari awal umur duapuluhan sampai sekarang nyaris menginjak usia 30 tahun. Buat gue, blog ini adalah salah satu lambang evolusi pemikiran dan gaya menulis gue. Mudah-mudahan sih isinya nggak se-membosankan tampilannya, hahaha...

Anyway, mungkin ada yang berminat menolong gue untuk mendesain ulang blog ini (secara baru dua kali ganti template dalam 7 tahun!) supaya lebih layak baca? hehehe...